Love and Tenderness

What do I look for in life?
Tender talks, tender moments, warm embraces, friendly talks
Why do these simple things elude me?
Are they too much to ask?
Am I expecting too much?
Please tell me if I expect the impossible
I think I expect normal things from life
A little caring and sharing
Is it too much to give?
Somebody, please speak up
Please tell me why can't I have engaging conversations with friends
And be treated as a normal person
The inner loneliness inside me eats me up
I look for warmth, love, friendship, support
These things don't cost a thing
They are free like all good things in life
Yet they elude me
Goals are there, pathways are there but if I don't get support
I don't get love, how do I move on?
Am I begging?
No, I think not
Just pouring my heart out in a white sheet of paper.
All I seek is acceptance as a normal individual
Someone who wants a man to love me for what I am
And not for my body parts
Offer me tenderness, love, affection and not erotica
Tell me if I am seeking the ethereal
Am I asking too much?
Love me as a friend, lover and give me love and affection.

Do emotions make our being?

I write.

 But what do I write?

I write about the feelings of the heart.

The unrest assailing my mind.

The pain inside my bosom.

Wherefrom you ask stem these emotions?

Our body is made of flesh and blood.

Chemicals are what make our system tick.

Yet I talk of pain, hurt, unrequited love.

Wherefrom do these spout?

Is it an outcome of the inherent lust in our bodies?

Lust to find gratification—physical or emotional.

Or are these emotions real?

We feel deep pain in the heart.

Our bosom is submerged with emotion.

Wherefrom stem this tide?

Why are these emotions so intangible?

And yet they are responsible for making life a heaven or hell.

The mystery of life lies in these emotions

When we breathe it is only an action.

But the feelings we go through.

Give a new dimension to the action.

Death is but a moment but the emotions associated with death are the crux.

They are responsible for the emotional upheaval that we feel.

What is the reality?

These emotions that give meaning to life

Or the tangible flesh and blood that is our lifeline

I wish this mystery could be unravelled. 

Inspiration

You inspire me to live life to its fullest
You fill me with hope and feel good emotion
I who have been denied happiness and fulfilment in life
See it in your eyes, open arms and warm kisses
Fill me with energy and happiness
Which only someone like you can bestow
You have the wherewithal to inspire
Me to rise to great heights
You have it in you to drive people with your lovely smile
Do you realize the potential of your smile?
It can make people do unthought of deeds
It inspires to rise and perspire so that your goal is met.
Oh! Dear realize your potential and use it suitably
So that you can make the Phoenix in me rise from ashes
And fulfil my purpose in life.

I am not beaten

I struggle and struggle
Yet no results,
Still, I am not beaten
My endurance can be summarized thus
I am moving clouds today
Tomorrow I will try the mountains.
This struggle wears me out
But I am not beaten
I firmly believe that though you know you can lose
But still trying
This struggle will bring out the shine in me and I will glow like a diamond
I believe in the old Hindi adage
 That as the rope when it continuously moves over the stone leaves a mark even on stone
My efforts too shall bear fruit.
With this struggle, I often feel disheartened
But I do not give up
There are so many examples in front of me
Of people who turned the tide in their favour
Just as they were about to give up
I come across obstacles, hindrances
Yet I am not beaten
My back is sore with the lashes that life's struggle has hit me with
But I am not beaten.
I know I shall rise from the ashes like the Phoenix
and shine again
Nothing beats me

Goal of life

Life is an elimination process
It is a selection of the most suitable for the individual.
You have to remove the unnecessary from the grain
To get the crux of anything.
You might ask me is it a selection or elimination?
Both I would say
Eliminate the unnecessary and select the best.
This way you will achieve your objectives
Achieving your objectives is important
If you want to attain your goal.
Now the dilemma is what is the goal of life?
I would say a life lived well
For each individual, this could hold a different meaning,
For some, it would mean being successful in life
Fulfilling your aspirations
For others, it could be devoting yourself to the cause of humanity.
For still others, it could mean immersing yourself in your family.
Whatever your goals are
Do the elimination carefully
And select the best for yourself.

At the threshold of a new life

I am at the threshold of new experiences,
A new life,
Maybe it will be beautiful and fulfilling.
Maybe it will take me to new heights of gratification
A new muse to ponder on
New thoughts, new meanings
The thoughts of a bright future enthralls me
I feel a new high in life
But, hold on
Is so much excitement warranted?
Maybe the new experience will give me mixed feelings.
Like most things in life
I have to take the new moments with a pinch of salt
Be prepared for a mix of positives and negatives.
Life is a mix of beautiful and not so beautiful
They peacefully co-exist.
Within me, if I look inside
The good and bad lie side by side
Does this mean I can't be happy, excited?
 Surely not, I can be happy, exhilarated
Excited and dance with joy.
Not allow any foreboding thoughts to spoil my happiness
I also can walk hand-in-hand with happiness.
It is also something I can partake in my life
Yes, indeed I too deserve happiness.

Revelation of the inner self

I lean against the pole to find a support
Is it my weaker self?
looking for something to depend on
Or my body demanding a respite from long hours of standing
Why is my body looking for support
Do I want to merge into another?
Is the merging a completion in itself?
Or it leads to several other desires?
Is the merging an outcome of the inner longing to find support
Or is it just a short resting point?
Where from we move on the weary journey of life?
Did I say weary, but life isn't weary in itself,
The act of living may sometimes wear us out.
I wonder as these thoughts crowd my mind
Do I need support or do I seek completion?
Do I seek respite or want to indulge in a dream?
Let me not worry at the thoughts crowding my mind
One day there will definitely be a revelation.
I am sure my seeking heart shall find its answers.

Beautiful smile

Your mesmerizing smile
warms me from within
It is soft as it spreads all across your face
And makes your face glow with warmth
It has far-reaching effects
It directly reaches my heart
My heart that is so palpable
It thuds from the glow of your smile
I dream about you with open eyes
And shiver with anticipation as your lips touch mine
The warm glow across your lips and face is transferred on to mine
as you touch my lips with your lips.
I feel a warmth spread all over my body
Your mesmerizing smile has become mine.

Struggle for meaning in life

Days of unrest and sleepy nights
Why is life without respite?
No peace in the soul though the physical body is well rested
Am I complaining again?
No, not again
But what do I do with this feeling of blankness that engulfs me?
I try to reach out
Look for opportunities
Whom do I blame for my condition?
The outside world or the blank me?
Is it an outcome of my lazy self?
Am I really lazy?
No, I disagree
There have been moments of extreme activity
I wonder at the justice meted out to me?
Am I really incapable?
Where do I find answers to my questions?
As I go through my writings I find talent that is unrequited
I tell myself struggle on, this too shall pass.

“It’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do with it that counts.”

This particular quote has a life-changing ring to it. As I read it I was inspired. I thought of writing out a new post. Reaching out to my readers and sharing with them this quote. When you read this quote you are inspired to turn tides in your favour. No matter what you are faced with, a death, a failure, a devastating illness, you can turn tides in your favour. Because as the quote says what you do with it counts, so it is not important what you are faced with. For instance, a death could make you understand how short life is and how we must make the most of our time here on this earth. A devastating illness could show you how strong you are as you fight the illness and recuperate back to health. And success is nothing but a failure turned inside out.
Every time you are depressed and think that you are a failure and nothing good could come out of you, think about all the successful people in the world and you will find that their success is what they did with what happened to them. Overnight success comes to a chosen few. For most of us, life is an uphill climb. We have to move the clouds today and be inspired to move the mountains in future.
So my dear readers falter not if you are faced with failures, think what you do with the failure is what counts.

Happenings

I haven't written anything this year and already 6 months have passed. A lot has happened in my life like I went to Singapore and Bali in March 2018. It was a fantastic trip. I experienced different cultures and came across Hindus who were so different from us, though they worshipped the same Gods.
The trip was full of adventures. We almost lost our passports but luckily we didn't lose them. We thanked God for places like Kailash Parbat, an Indian chain of restaurants that caters to Indian vegetarians. When vegetarian food was scarce this place was our respite. I realized how difficult it is to travel the world as vegetarians. I wondered how we would survive in places like China and Japan? Maybe my friends Manisha Kundu Nagata and Kumar Sharma could shed some light. Because they live in these countries and Kumar is even a vegetarian.
At home, I spend my time looking for jobs as I have lost my job and new jobs are hard to come by. Life is racing at full speed and as I look back I realize I have indeed come a long way. It has been eight years since my father passed away and also since I moved to Mumbai. I was greeted with open arms when I came to Mumbai and I was getting jobs at every place I walked into. But now the field is dry and jobs are hard to come by. Life is at crossroads where I have to take a turn and move on. I have to learn to flow with the tide. With these thoughts raging in my head I rest my pen for the time being. More musings later on...