Is Life in Control?

 For the past few years, I feel life is not in my control. I feel as if somebody is playing games with me. I meet people who are very nice to me initially and suddenly change, without any specific reason. They suddenly stop talking to me as if somebody has told them something about me behind my back. 

I keep losing good friends and positions, even though neither is my choice. I give my best shot and still I feel as if life is slipping from my hands. How to get back in control, I don't know. How to cut off negative people. How to be in charge of my choices in life, I don't know.

I know I am just ranting about my doubts and fears but how to ensure that things work out for me. Recently, I was very happy, things were working out for me but suddenly again something bad happened. I wonder if my fear is baseless or if something is actually working against me. Though I never feel lonely and am happy in life, these failures gnaw at my heart and make me doubt my capability. 

I have deep knowledge, good communication skills and good convincing skills. I succeed and suddenly things fall apart. Are my techniques wrong? Do I rub people the wrong way? Just don't have answers to my doubts and fears. I wish somebody would help me. 

Should learning cater to the modern learner?

 Let us begin by defining the modern adult learner. 18 plus, tech-savvy and used to different mediums of learning. The modern learners have faced lockdown or probably completed their education during the lockdown, where they had to increasingly study using online mediums like virtual classrooms, or online sessions through Zoom, MS Teams, Google Meet etc. What kind of training would they prefer? Instructor-led classroom sessions, Virtual instructor-led training or e-learning? The answer to that would definitely be the latter two. One reason for this simply could be the easy accessibility of the latter two. Secondly the ability to go through the recordings of the sessions multiple times to make the learning self-paced.

In the days of yore learning was classroom-based and much emphasis was laid on memorization. While,  when it comes to facts there is no denying the fact that memorization is still almost always the only way out.  But what about skill development or process-related learning, where the learner may need to develop hands-on practice, what would be a better method? It could be classroom training where learners learn to practice or maybe a simulation where the learners view and re-view the steps involved. 

As an instructional designer with considerable experience in the field, I feel that the learning should be bespoke. It should be designed keeping the demographics of the learner in mind. It should ensure that whatever content is being imparted through the training is grasped by the learner and absorbed and imbibed. To ensure these, it should use mediums of imparting that allow the learner to learn at their own pace which is not always possible in a traditional classroom or an instructor-led methodology. It is more possible with a recording or a video or an e-learning module. 

So when making an instructional design plan, keep the learner in mind and not necessarily the budget of the client. While it is easy to say,  educate the client about the validity of the method proposed by you, which is a herculean task but trying to convince is the only alternative to ensuring that your learning is effective and effective learning is the only learning that delivers results. 

How to deal with negative people

 In everyday work, we all come across people who are negative, cunning and manipulative. Many of them display their negativity upfront and some are sweet as sugar on the face and strike behind your back. While you can deal very well with the first kind of negativity by retorting back or remaining calm while the verbal assault is on, it is very difficult to deal with the second kind of negativity. When somebody speaks negatively behind your back, you are unaware of what the other person is saying. You take their sweet as sugar front to be true and trust them and all the while they are backstabbing you. 

Recently, I came across such an experience and when I faced negative feedback from my boss, I realized what this friend of mine was doing. I was trying to figure out a way of dealing with this and trying to understand why I was constantly feeling nervous and stressed. Why were negative thoughts crowding my mind?

Then on discussing it with a colleague I realized that my friend was the cause of all this. I also asked my colleague how to deal with the situation. He advised that I should also maintain a sweet as sugar façade and while I can't backstab, I can always remain alert as to how she would behave in future and stop me from trusting her. I accepted his advice as he had met the same treatment from her and decided to be cautious more than anything else. 

How do you deal with such a person? Do you expose them if you are able to or do you remain cautious or speak upfront and tell them you know their tactics and are not going to become a victim? 

Are anxiety and worrying normal?

 When you are going through a phase where you are waiting for an outcome of some action you have taken, are anxiety and worrying normal? Are they part and parcel of this phase?

For instance, if you have given an interview and are waiting for the outcome, is constantly checking the mobile phone or your email account acceptable? Or alternatively, you should adopt a stoic's attitude and keep a calm mind and leave the outcome to God? Do your best and leave unto God the rest. Easier said than done.

Typically we are anxious and worried, but the right attitude to adopt is the stoic's attitude and not be flustered by ups and downs. This ensures good health. A calm mind gives you worry-free sleep and happiness and whatever the outcome of your action you take it in your stride.

So though you may feel worried and anxious, try to keep a calm mind and leave the outcome to God. That is the ideal attitude to adopt. 

The Ups and Downs of Life

 Life is so quirky, sometimes it takes an uphill swing and sometimes a downhill swing. While we are enjoying the joys of the uphill swing, we completely forget what will happen when life will take a downward swing. But, when the downward swing actually hits us we realize that it is time to introspect. Think about all the little mistakes we made that caused the downfall. 

How important are both the phases of life and should we take these little moments seriously? Uphill swing or downward swing, how does it matter? They are but moments of life and life should not be taken too seriously as nobody is going to get out of it alive.

So are these introspections a waste of time? Or they are a way of trying to give some meaning to life while we are sojourning it. I think this should be it. Give meaning to life while we are going through it. It makes it more joyful, satisfying. 

For the satisfaction of the inner self, we must introspect, try to correct our little mistakes, try to do better, make sure we don't repeat our mistakes and thus live a more satisfying and fruitful life. Life is short and though we won't be remembered eternally after we are gone while we are here we should try to give greater meaning to life. 

So introspect everytime you are on a downhill swing and try to learn from your mistakes. 

Should the Mind be Dynamic or in a State of Status Quo

This is a question that often comes to mind. People say that our approach to life should be dynamic but what about our core values should they also change with changing times or remain time tested and rooted in our very existence. Our values are part of our very being, our existence. They are something that we acquired since our childhood and they shaped our personalities. So, should these values also be dynamic or should they remain status quo? 

I have gone through many turmoils in my life and my mindset has changed from an angry, emotional person to a calm person who is at peace with life and the people around me. With such a chequered life should I retain my values? I find myself often pondering over this. My mind is both a combination of static and dynamism as I try to retain the values inculcated in me since childhood and try to have a dynamic approach to life. Not being rigid about anything in life, having a flexible approach to people and situations are important aspects of my constantly developing personality. 

I have met all sorts of people in my life, some have left a sour memory in my interaction with them and some have left me with joie de vivre for life and my dreams and ambitions about life. 

I would like to narrate my experience with a former colleague, he had a negative attitude even with the most positive people around him. I had shown him the new version of the hare and tortoise story, where the hare and tortoise work as friends and help each other with their core skills, I said if we have this approach in office work each one of us will benefit. He told me this is good only in a story in office work we have to pull each other down. I was aghast and realized that he would have this approach all his life. He still communicates with me but is not happy with my progress in life.  Thus I who had an emotional connect with this friend realized that all he wanted to do was pull me down.

There have been other friends and colleagues who if not being supportive have not tried to pull me down. Thus life has been a mixed bag in terms of the people I have met and has made me keep a dynamic approach towards the people I have met and a static approach towards my core values. 

Breaking News: A Woman is Violated

One Nirbhaya makes breaking news
One Doctor Reddy rouses the nation's conscience
People march in indignation
Light candles to commemorate the violated
But what about the thousand's of women who are violated every day?
Violated by uncles, cousins, husbands, boyfriends
Sex is forced upon them
They experience sex without any pleasure
It is a painful experience
Does anybody cry for them?
Do we light candles for these women who are molested in the form of she wanted it?
Is it a crime to desire gratification?
Is it not important for the partner to fulfil the needs of his partner?
So which violation is more shameful?
The one Nirbhaya experienced?
The one a seven-year-old girl experienced when an uncle molested her?
The one a thirteen-year-old experienced when an older friend forcibly kissed her?
Or the one a twenty-three-year-old woman experienced when her boyfriend forcibly kissed her?
Isn't each violation breaking news?
What about a much older man propositioning a subordinate that he wants to meet her outside office?
Where do we draw the line?
As a nation, we need to awaken to the violation of women going on all around us
We need to give a sympathetic ear to a girl who complains she has been violated
And as for the seven-year-old girl, we need to make her aware of uncles who touch everywhere
For us Indians who have been labelled a nation of rapists
We need to become aware and raise our boys to be sensitive to girls
Otherwise, there will be one Nirbhaya on the roads and millions behind closed doors.

The Path of the Winner

Once you are finished
There is no looking back
The only way out is forward
There is no dithering from here
Just move on...
The heart or mind may want to linger on at the finishing line
May want to look back
May want to think about moments past
But lingering will only delay the bright future that is yet to come.
The law of attraction guides you to move towards a worthwhile goal.
Make goals and think about moving on
The past moments are only dreams of the night past
They have no place in your future
So, do not dither...
Push back any stray hair of memories that may linger on the face...
They will only disturb you from the positive path
Disturb your line of vision
Keep it straight and clear
Keep your eyes on the goal
And like Arjuna you will hit the fish's eye with your arrow.
Set sight on your goal
Remove any hindrances that may be there
Thinking positive all the time is a constant process
It is a Herculean task
It can be achieved with determination and dedication
Affirm your goals
Say your positive affirmations
And you are half way there
The other half is taking action
Once you are filled with positive emotion
You are more than eager to set on the path of winning.
Fill your heart, mind and body with the positive affirmations that you are saying to yourself
And you are on the path of the winner
Winning is only a moment
The journey is crucial
Make your journey enjoyable
Visualize your future
The abundance, the joie de vivre, the frolic
The path of the winner is yours for the taking
Just set your mind on it.

My first kiss

My first kiss was like a rod pushed inside my mouth
I was filled with revulsion
All that saliva pouring into my mouth
He told me
Move your tongue at least
I struggled
He said you don't know how to kiss.
Then asked me whether I liked the kiss.
I didn't know what to say
To hate him or pity him
I wondered whether kissing was a skill or an expression of love.
I have been kissed many times but that memory of the first kiss that filled me with revulsion
Stays with me...
Each time I ask do I know how to kiss?

My attitude towards life

I have faced plenty of struggles in my life. On the personal front as well as the career front. Life has constantly thrown challenges at me and I have faced them sometimes as a fighter and at other times not so strongly. I feel life is a learning lesson and it teaches you something at all times. Through my failures and successes, I have also learnt some lessons.
Firstly, face every day with a smile. Every day is new, every moment is afresh and we don't know when an opportunity may be knocking at our door.
Winners never quit. This is an often repeated quote, but very true in life. We never know that with the next push we might win.
Every cloud has a silver lining. This is again a frequently repeated quote but in my most dark moments of life, I realized that I was a fighter in life and I could face every turmoil in my life with this too shall pass attitude.
Don't know how the world sees me but I see myself as a fighter. Someone who faces every challenge with a can-do it attitude. 
Life has thrown bouquets as well as brickbats at me and I have faced every challenge with a positive attitude. People have not supported me in my struggles and have actually enjoyed seeing me fail but my guardian angel has always protected me. I always find that one friend who stands by me through thick and thin. While there are plenty of people who want me to learn a lesson and see me fail. There are also those who secretly pray for me and wish me well. I may not always know my well-wishers and sometimes trust the wrong person as I tend to judge people at face value (a weakness, I know), but my well-wishers have seen me through thick and thin.
Thus my attitude in life always stays positive and I believe that for me, life always ends with a smile just like the Shepheard in The Alchemist, I find my treasure.